My granddad always used to ask the rhetorical question, “what do they mean when they say “‘life is like a bowl of cherries’?”
At a young age I wasn’t sure, and didn’t search for the metaphorical meaning. But now, after having experienced many emotional hardships, and forming a greater understanding of life’s unexpected suprises – I get it…
Sometimes, life can taste sweet – but you may come across the odd cherry which is bitter, or bite down hard onto a stone.
This blog post is short, and (hopefully) sweet, unlike the sour cherry which I am currently eating; and I’m not talking literally.
Everyone has off-days. Everyone has days which they’re feeling exhausted, stressed, worried, or fed up. Although for someone like myself, with anxiety and depression – it’s harder, because there doesn’t have to be a particular reason for you feeling that way. Chemically and psychologically there will be reasons, but not physically.
For example, this morning I woke up, groggy, and numb. I went to the bathroom (lush I know), and went downstairs for breakfast. I had had a shitty night’s sleep, but that’s pretty common (which doesn’t excuse the fact). I felt emotionally numb, fragile, tense, and miserable. I must have been wearing a look on my face resembling a slapped fish.
Then in the afternoon, I had an appointment with my care co-ordinator for the community mental health service. I was shitting bricks, and resented the thought of having to talk about how I felt, when I already felt like my emotions were bubbling over, subsequently giving me one bitch of a migraine.
The appointment itself was in a place I have visited countless times, and which I am very familiar with. My care co-ordinator is a lovely person, but I just shut down. Even hearing words like ‘trauma’ and ‘self-harm’ made me want to cry big time.
Nearing the end of our allocated time, my care co-ordinator asked if I wanted to leave it there and catch up later. Did I want to go home? Yes and no…because I want to get better, and I will I know that because you have to keep the faith in order for any treatment to help you – but hearing this made me feel like I had let myself down, and I hadn’t tried hard enough. It was at that moment, when expressing my fears to the care worker that she said something which has resided with me. Something that I frequently practice, and slightly hypocritically insight in those who seek my support and comfort.
“But you did it. You came anyway even though you didn’t want to and you tried your best, and that’s the most anyone can ask of you -including yourself.”
So, for all of those out there who feel inferior, or who think they’re not trying hard enough, or let themselves down…
You tried your best, and that’s the most anyone can ask of you – including yourself.
So know that even though life is really shitty, just a bit shitty, shit-smelling, or alright; when the tough times come, you’re gonna get through it – and come out at the other end; because no matter how long your sewer tunnel is, there’s always light at the end of it. ~ me
Lots of love
– Lori x