The Conflict Between Disorders and Beliefs

belief
bɪˈliːf/
noun
plural noun: beliefs
  1. trust, faith, or confidence in (someone or something)

 

Mental health is undoubtedly complex, as it’s unique to each and every individual, it effects their own unique interpretations, routine and memories. It warps behaviours and seeps into the cracks that are our pre-existing morals and beliefs; cracks created by the destructiveness of disorder.

I myself have mental health disorders, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and disassociative tendencies to name a few; but in this post I shall be referring to my struggle with my eating disorders.

There’s oftentimes in society a huge divide between how we treat ourselves, and how we expect to treat others, morally we know we shouldn’t do so – however it’s indoctrinated to put others first, to treat others with respect, to look after each other. However, we have to actively be encouraged and reminded to think of ourselves in the same way, as it’s not a case of choosing one or the other. It’s not a selfish act. Due to this preconception and belief that many have, we beat ourselves up about things, and are our own worst enemies. Things that you would never wish for other people. Yet we still do it to ourselves.

In my opinion, that’s due to the insecurities and perceptions of ourselves that are (sub)consciously present in our minds, whether that’s due to bullying, the behaviour of others, your upbringing, past relationships etc. That’s why many of us feel the need to constantly change our image and be the best version of ourselves, as we feel we’re not good enough, we’re not smart enough, pretty enough, slim enough, stylish enough – the list goes on. Sadly these pressures commonly lead to eating disorders, social anxiety and depression.

In my personal experience, I developed an eating disorder because of my insecurities within myself that were given an opportunity to take control due to trauma, and when I saw these physically represented – I restricted, developed body dysmorphia, anorexia, bulimia and even self harmed.

However the way in which I treated myself because of my disorders was not in line with my morals, principles and beliefs regarding body positivity and the mass media’s ideals of beauty. I believe in breaking down preconceptions of beauty in society, but due to my own personal circumstances I struggle to apply that to the way in which I view myself and treat myself. It’s fucking frustrating right? I know I’m not the only one…

It’s okay to have insecurities, but what isn’t okay is to actively try and change them to our own detriment. We’re individual for a reason, we’re not all supposed to fit into a box. It’s also important to remember that the destructive thoughts that we experience as a result of insecurities and mental health conditions are NOT the truth! Poor mental health is vulnerable, and attaches to these perceptions of our self, however there’s a reason that these don’t occur when one is mentally strong. It’s our mind’s weakness because of mindset and past experience.

You are not the mistakes of others, you’re not a representation of the truth in which you believe others to speak, but the beauty that is being targeted because of sheltered and ignorant minds.

It’s VERY IMPORTANT you should never feel guilty or lesser than for having a mental health condition. It is not your fault that you think these damaging thoughts, it’s also not your fault that you have a mental health condition. It’s nothing to be ashamed about, it isn’t ‘wrong’.

On a final note, I urge everyone to seek medical help who is suffering from destructive thoughts, or low mood and anxiety. You deserve to have your voices heard, and with the appropriate professional support, you will be able to relieve yourself from such. It just takes time. You got this boo!

I love you all very much, and I shall speak to again soon ❤

Sending love and hugs

-Lori x

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